birthday checklist.

first thing to check off when starting to organize your birthday is:
[ x ] wishlist.

and this years wish-list looks a little like this

adidas instinct high w

unfortunately, i've only found it on shoes.com, but the good news is that it's only $80!
compared to my latest shoe purchase of *mumbles* hundred something...
i'll show you my lovely new things sometime blogosphere. : )

the list doesn't stop there though..

icecube brain tray from thinkgeek.comicecube puzzle tray from thinkgeek.com
ice shot glasses from thinkgeek.com
juicebar portable solar charger from thinkgeek.com

check out these incredibly cutes!

"Candy Jar Necklace" from shanalogic.com
"mini floppy disc pillow" from shanalogic.com

"stump" from shanalogic.com
"mini happy letter pillow" from shanalogic.com

AAAANNND the coolest thing EVER!
...but also the most expensive...

anatomical heart locket from shanalogic.com

contemplating on buying my own present early,




sorry about the belated australia day post.
i've avoided it, kind of like how i avoid the day itself.

now i'm not saying i'm not a fan of Australia.
born, raised and dedicated almost 21 straight years of my 'almost 21-ed years' life to understanding and speaking the language, getting to love the rich history, amazing views, breathing that fresh and clean air (most of the time anyway) etc

Did you know, Australia day (Jan 26th) is the anniversary of ships arriving in Sydney carrying a load of Convicts?
it confuses me what we're celebrating about for one, but it's not the main reason why i try to stay indoors on this day...

i mean, i love australia, it has the tiniest population for its gigantic size
and i think that australia is the most humorous, laid-back and peaceful place to be..
that is, until i hear this:

"GET OUT OF MY COUNTRY!!"-unidentified young and blonde bombshell.

oh. the amount of things i would love to yell back to her.
i expect that behaviour from kids as young as 9 to yell that to me as they rode off on their bikes...but seriously...
get out of that hole and read a history book.

like the loveable Julia Gillard reminds us with her mind-blowing catch phrase, we should be like the two animals on our coat of arms (the kangaroo and emu) who cannot walk backwards and just keep "moving forward".
and that's what i've been doing this Australia Day.

i can be where i want to be.
i will enjoy this day that my country has given me to celebrate.
and i will paint a freaking amazing abstract australian flag on an oriental paper umbrella that i lined up so long for at the Australia Day fair.

out of the blazing 40 deg sun,
kerplouski, and her umbrella.
who knew it was australian to paint on oriental stuff?

by the way, check out one of Australia's amazing birds, the Lyre bird.


You're turning.. WHAT?!

Oh MY goodness!
My brother is now
I sound like a mother saying this, but that number creeped up so quickly!

I forgot how important a number like 18 can be
Especially in Australia, as it's the legal age for everything!
Except rape..
There is no acceptable age for that guys.

but i don't think it ever matters to me how old he gets,
cos he'll always stay as my little brother whom i'm always one step ahead of...because....i was born earlier..


but i worry sometimes.

he's very smart! especially when he sets his mind on something, he'll recite word for word novels, calculate in seconds, become Australia's Next Top Museum of Science Guide.
he's quick to rely on anyone's choices as his own. He's finally turning 18, the legal age for drinking, and his friends are telling him that it's 'not like him' to have an alcoholic beverage- even though he's been drinking alcohol from family gatherings (long live peach wine!) and accidental sips of 'coca-cola' because dad thought it was funny that red wine resembles the colour of coke at times.
his 'friends' say that they won't respect him if he ever touches the (sinful) liquid. now. not only does he agree to cave in to his friends' bullying in seconds, but he's not smart enough to realise what his friends have done, what (alcohol) he's already done himself, that it's 'not (supposed to be) like' anyone to be drinking alcohol before 18 in the first place-so the likelihood of it to be 'like' someone to be drinking before 18 is irrelevant, and his decision is not actually his
...just a few things i haven't been thinking a lot about...

he's funny, very sociable and entertaining to be around. the amount of ab exercising i have done trying to hold my intestines inside have given me...uh...VERY VISIBLE....six pacs.
i worry how easy it is for him to wave and smile to very frowny-face gangsters on the street thinking that "it'll brighten their day for someone to do something like this" and his invisible protection shield from bullets and flying bear-sharks are at it's ultimate 100% today.....and yet, he sweats at the thought of being behind a counter of a food store repeating "hi, how can i help you?" "sure, that comes to $-.--, and here's your change. have a nice day" to a sweet old lady.

i love my brother's creativity. his artistic skills and his double rainbow imagination are to die for; he can think of the best colours to go with grey lines, his composition, though using only one rule is never the same and he's dug out his own art style with a plastic spoon, which i've been digging like crazy with high tech machines to find.
give him a noah's arch rendition with food, and he'll starve to death not knowing what and how to make even a sandwich.

i could go on about my brothers pros and cons but really, all you can do is accept his beautiful soul and wonder at how he's achieved the way he is because he's walked the path to become one of the most unique, loyal, caring and inspiring friend that you can never take a nice or 'proper' picture with-because it'll creep you out.

that. and, because this post has become too long.

giggling and mesmerised by pop-up cards,


Happy New Things!

Happy New Things blogosphere!

i know, celebrations for the new year are over and wishes have come and gone..
but i still have a whole year to wish it.

nyahh : ).

SO tell me what you've been up to?
how you been?
how you feelin'?

it's been so long since i last heard from you.
hahhahah who am i kidding? i don't understand why i ask when really, I'm just painfully refraining myself from bursting out with my 'so-much-better-than-yours' news. you know, i think in honesty, I'd rather tell you what I've been up to than hearing what you have to say.
I'm just kidding.
or am i?
hahhaha nah i am..
or am i really?


So I've got a new laptop, I've got a new job, I've got a new house, I've got a new partner in crime, I've got a new life schedule and i am just not ready for 2011.

while everyone else is planning on new years resolutions, I'm listing everything I've yet to complete from 2010.
while everyone is partying it up with friends and family, I'm sorting out whether or not they fit in the 'friends' category and trying to make sure my 'friends' are on the same page as me.

and while we're all shouting out HAPPY NEW YEAR! with cheers and loud bangs and confetti,
I'm praying that you come back a little later. because i am just not ready for you yet.

question is, when WILL i be ready?
I'm always putting things off or feel as though I'm too busy to accomplish anything else, because i just want to 'rest'.
but if I'm resting, I'm not doing anything, and so i wont be anywhere close to progression.
and if I'm not doing anything progressive, I'm not living my life.

LET'S LIVE IN THE MOMENT.let's live in the moment. plan nothing and do everything. PLAN NOTHING AND DO EVERYTHING.

so i guess that's my resolution.
is this...progress..?
8 D


wait..was that to me?

do you ever get those days, where everything around you...is about you?
i'm having that day.
everything has you, reminds me of you and should be dedicated to you.

...oh. and now i'm talking to you.

so how do i let you come back,
when she wants you, but i need you.
can't believe..you
got me in the kitchen cookin for you like my first name's Betty.
got off the phone with you but I wanna call right back
i want you to ask me to stay.

cos i've got the right sort of loving.

but i know it was just a fling,

but now i'm going crazy.. should never have let this happen.
cos now i can't forget it

i really don't want to give a fuck
but now i'm a bitch in love.

just discovered Electrik Red; that was my rendition of
So Good.
but really, you should listen to:

how exciting! my first video on blog

oh, but those aren't the only changes that are going to be made. ona's pimpin' it up mainstream blog style! ahhahaha

the best thing about apple iPhone's application (MusicID) was that i found this song through putting headphones on my phone while it listened to 4 seconds worth of this song found on a dodgy interrupted home made video clip of a friend dancing in a hallway.

I. Am. LOVING. This. App.

groovin' to the muuu',

A dark hole

I haven't spoken to my sister in years. And tonight, i finally gained the courage to try to talk to her about my depression and thoughts of suicide. And she thought I was giving her attitude.

This isn't the first time she misinterpreted me to giving her attitude; there are plenty of times i just had to pretend I did, take the insults and sit idle while I wait for a raging volcano to settle. I don't like making her angry, but I don't like her stressing me out either.

Yes we speak, but I don't remember the last time I had a heartfelt conversation with her. I'm too scared to talk to her, actually..

She told me recently that I was a pushover, and tried to help me change: I opted to be walked over as a child when she told me it was for her entertainment when I tried to stand up for myself. Now I just tell myself it's part of my Pisces nature.

I DO love you sis, I know you try to help, but sometimes you get in the way of yourself.

I don't know why I'm writing this tonight, I've wanted to before and stopped myself because it was probably more painful posting it and the days that came after..

But tonight I don't care. Tonight I attempted to suicide.

Died a little inside,

i AM running out of those...

watching Seinfeld at the moment and they've just mentioned the supposed social norm of bringing a bottle of wine to a dinner party they were invited to.

maybe it's just me and i have been living a life of wrong, but i have never done that.
agreeing with [character] George, i would have thought that being there would have been good enough. Surely, they invited me for a reason other than my financial status to buy them an alcoholic beverage, right?

i feel bad when i click that "not attending" (Facebook reference) button.
i would love to attend every event and buy drinks for who i felt deserved to see what the kindness my heart combined with my money can do; rather than buying a standard glass for everyone in a bottle because i didn't want to be alone tonight.

now i'll have to feel worse because i'm clicking that button with the reason that i can't afford a bottle of wine/ casket of goodies.

don't get me wrong, now i'll probably sound like a hypocrite, but i'm excited to do something like that.
a small muffin wrapped in tiny ribbon, or something new for someone to try.
a loved something for a loved someone. right? : D

i may not financially be able to do that at the moment, but i vow that i will when i become an adult-and a worthy note: i find that being 20 [or as luvieur refers to as twen-teen], i'm not yet considered an adult, therefore, i am going to wait until i am 21. that, or when I can drive without freaking out.

it's the presumption that they expect a gift that annoys me.
what do you think, am i thinking about this the wrong way around?

contradictively, hating growing up,