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A dark hole

I haven't spoken to my sister in years. And tonight, i finally gained the courage to try to talk to her about my depression and thoughts of suicide. And she thought I was giving her attitude.

This isn't the first time she misinterpreted me to giving her attitude; there are plenty of times i just had to pretend I did, take the insults and sit idle while I wait for a raging volcano to settle. I don't like making her angry, but I don't like her stressing me out either.

Yes we speak, but I don't remember the last time I had a heartfelt conversation with her. I'm too scared to talk to her, actually..

She told me recently that I was a pushover, and tried to help me change: I opted to be walked over as a child when she told me it was for her entertainment when I tried to stand up for myself. Now I just tell myself it's part of my Pisces nature.

I DO love you sis, I know you try to help, but sometimes you get in the way of yourself.

I don't know why I'm writing this tonight, I've wanted to before and stopped myself because it was probably more painful posting it and the days that came after..

But tonight I don't care. Tonight I attempted to suicide.

Died a little inside,
Kerplouski

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