i hear voices

it's funny how the mind works.
especially when it comes to reading, and we personally hire a narrator to read to us, for us, by us.
this thought came to me when someone was busy talking to me about reading Edward Cullen's true self when she reads in comparison to the shotty movie that he stars in,


i hate it when i read to myself sometimes.

at times i feel like absolute nothing,

you know the feeling when you force your gag reflexes to imitate the act of vomiting,
no?... just me?

my brain stops working, and all i can think of seems like a rumble of thickened clouds ready to thunder

that's it.
like, a trapped number of thundering clouds, multiplying vastly in my skull, pushing its way out, and getting nowhere.
an all over exhaustion of the body, wanting no part in the play of life

and that's when i go on a quest to find a song that brings me back to feeling...anything.
i don't know whether i'm the only one to do this or not, but i use music to drive my feelings to a conclusion. mainly to say "you're not the only one"
because i just don't hear that often enough.
(and unfortunately, there's not sarcasm involved in that last comment)

and so, i thought i'd share the list i remember:

Prodigy - "firestarter"
MAI HIME - "mezame"
Blink 182 - "not now"
Postal Service - "nothing better"
Boxcar Racers - "i feel so"

and now i can happily add:
Paul Dempsey - "ramona was a waitress"

simply the most divine song i've heard all year.
makes me think of the future and its focus on building a better tomorrow while changing nothing in a sense; keeping products at its best to represent the present.
but really, when it comes to living forever, even if you program a robot to have the same memory as someone, it still will never have that human finished touch.
but that's another post.
for now, i've best leave procrastination to rot and die.