been a while hasn't it?
but almost every day i think of something i want to write here. kind of annoying when you know there was something, but you completely forget what you wanted to talk/write about.

like how lately, i've been thinking about P.S (Post Scriptum) which could range from one word to paragraphs after a letter.
i think it's beautiful.
i dont' know why... maybe because i watched P.S I Love You lately, or just the idea of how someone can get SO into their letters, that they leave something out-important or not.

or...i'm an IGNORANT FOOL! who hasn't really thought about what they had just said...
maybe the latter...


i had the privilege of listening to a deaf person speak today-though it wasn't my first time, nono; i had a gorgeous family last time who had but only a young daughter who could hear... or was incredibly good at reading lips, and she was signing to everyone in the family, making sure they all had something to order~

i wonder how you sign "raspberry fanta"...

anyway, this deaf person today was trying to sound what they thought would be the pronunciation to words. obviously they never refined it, seeing as they've never heard what they sound like..

but THAT had me thinking ..maybe it's just me, but when it comes to music (yes, i know it sounds like i'm off into a tangent, but i SWEAR it's got to do with it...somewhat...), how come we dont' think of sounds the same way we think of pronouncing a word? ....it's still a sound...

then i came across ->THIS <-

and it's most likely that if you were a to beatbox a tune as well as belt out lyrics to a song...you'd treat the lyrics as just...sounds right?
the whole idea of talking in tune brings out REVELATIONS!!!

hahahha ok, ok, i just pulled that word out of my ass, but i'm going to pretend it means what i think it means.

quite the crazy, i believe.

here's another crazy thought for you...i tend to always publish these at 1 or 2am. ok yes, the bloggernet says that my time is most likely 11am in the morning...or so i think blogger.com says so ... but here i am, looking at my clock, and it says 1:56. i'm tired of waiting for my video to post, so i'm going to leave you with the link and i'll try again with the uploading later.

ciaociao blogosphere!


-i think i'm in love with my mum.

i had the craziest talk with my mum today.
and she was still happy by the end of the conversation.
it was so weird.

it felt like i actually talked with my mum for the first time in 19 years, rather than zone out while she yells about everything i didn't do, which she's convinced that i have done, for 30 minutes straight.
and it wasn't just lovely subjects either.
cos she actually confessed that she knew i had been going out with my non-asian boyfriend before we even made it official with them. and that was like...1.5 years without telling them.
not to mention, i brought the dog to sleep in my bed that night, though it was a complete nono.
i'm still weirded out.

....still weirded out.
so we were talking about how the parentals were talking about how the kids are all grown up, we've all got our partners and moving out of our houses and all; and she was kinda irritated that the boyfriends would come over, which meant extra chores for some reason... though we dont' eat over or whatnot.
only my sister's boyfriend gets comfortable with the house, sleeps over, showers and whatnot.
whereas loverboy only stays for max an hour or so talking and ...werr...i blanked out on what he actually does when he comes over...cos we only just prepare for an outing..

and then it moved onto how, through her personal choice, she's disappointed that we dont' find chinese boys to become partners with, rather ( i, with my european lover) we partner with cultures which seem disconnected from her. i think she just really wants a family she can just comfortably talk chinese with; rather than struggle in english- understandable.

but yeah. i was still weirded out from her knowing about me and lovely for almost 3 years.
i'm even more weirded out with how nice she's been the last couple of weeks.

...i....i...i think i love my mom.

i think i'll buy her something real nice.


-still weirded out.

-all these men!

a possible-6-year-old got to second base with me today.
He ran towards the corners of the cinema corridor and smacked into me; one arms flung at my boob and the other went for my vaginarian heaven. crazy kid.
which brings me to kids these days- and i don't care if you're 17 and "all grown up"; you're still a kid if you don't know how to give a little respect to others around you and to your dignity.

all the tales of stupidity and annoyance i can list with the amount of kids who come into the cinemas just to watch a movie for the last couple of years...
the amount of sex that's been had, the amount of condoms left in the most awkward places, the amount of times i wanted to hack off their legs because they can't keep their feet off the chairs, the amount of time they disobey the "cinema being cleaned. please stay OUTSIDE of the cinema", the amount of hot chips that we have to hand pick and throw in the bin because people wont obey the "no hot foods" rule...the amount of times they'd rather pay $20 to listen to their own voices than the movie itself... the amount of times they try to sneak in, the amount of times they INSIST we took the money, when it's against policy to do so before getting food...
holy shit. it just keeps going.

but it's not just that. it's the hipocritical kids who do anything to please their flock. the kids who have sex with teachers twice...thrice their age even, and at illegal ages and say, "it's ok. we're in love". it's the kids who send edited pornography of teachers all around the world, the ones who don't think about the potential damage to lives of others..the ones who just ..don't think.


but not just that. mindless adults are also in the wrong. The rules, the exceptions, the damages, the ignorance. which reminds me. what kind of stupid prick thinks that up-ing the age of alcohol is going to stop any issues? up-ing the alcohol age, ups the bar age, ups the club age, downs the economy, downs the ability to drink and not-be-able-to-drive-anyway, ups the crime... urgh!

-okok, real blog.

i think i picked up a man today.
yay for today's equal rights and whatnot. wrong. i picked up a ginger man (not like gingerbread man) who was possibly 20 years older than me.


how the hell did that happen?! i don't even know.
there i was minding my own business at a bus stop getting drenched only once i stepped out of the rain shields- curse the revenge of the clouds on my childhood-weather-powers!

AND THEN! i got into a conversation with a man who was trying to find out the best way of getting to the shopping centre, and stupidly trained skills from my workplace to get talking to customers who are at LEAST 10 steps away from you, i started a conversation; from directions, to airplanes, to dogs, to birds, to bricks, to whatever else that probably springs to mind. yes, even pedophelia.
50 minutes later, we're parting, and i pull out my phone to call my loverboy and i say to mr. man, "it was a pleasure to meet you, good luck and whatnot" and he politely says the same, and says "we should have coffee sometime, call me".
5 awkward seconds later, i realise he's standing there because i have my phone out, and he's ready to give me his number.

oh kerplouski, you charmer, you.

what does "let's have a coffee" mean anyway? is it like someway for people to say

"fuck you're awesome to talk with! let's gets some caffeine in ya, and see how much you can say when your mouth is going apeshit"
◕ ◡ ◕
or like one of those

*arrives at doorstep* "would you like to come in for some c-*thrusts chest*-offee" *using coffee as some sort of analogy* •_•

and as much as i'd love for it to be the first case scenario. it's not the first time "old man", "said to me" and "coffee" can be stringed together in a sentence when it comes to me. take the time i was in the rain, yet again, looking for a present for my sister...yet again...OH MY HOSHTOSH! THIS IS LIKE A TOTAL REPEAT. *side tracked*
anyway, got talking to the man because it was raining stupidly *waves fist at weathers' revenge* and afterwards, sprung the sentence "are you of legal age?"

in the end, he meant, "oh fackin sweet! you're an awesome talker! hey, come by the swingin' cafe nearby and i'll treat you to some delicious coffee that doesn't involve a white van whatsoever, for i am completely harmless-here! here's a tazer gun and pepper spray just in case i do anything, i just think you're a SPLEEENNNNDDIIIIID person"
but yeah.

sorry about the random faces (i.e
(ಠ_ಠ)), i just stumbled across these and found them flippin sweet. not to mention how well it goes with my face 50% of the time when i'm not

did you know..
i actually know a guy who's face is stupidly like
he's quite annoying.. and i don't want to say it's because of the face, but.....71% says....๏̯?!




I love having friends-I really do; but I cloud myself in a delusional world that I can trust whom I believe to be my friends to be...my friends.
I even go to lengths of altruism to please them and get to know them; but when my delusional world has power failure and I come to my senses, I end up seeing how I was just that little bonus to people’s lives- Like the random kind act from a stranger that you love, but don’t do anything for in return.

And I think it’s just because people think of it as natural for me to do this, being that I am, that it’s not me going out of my way to get it done for them.

I do make it difficult though, even I make it hard for myself to understand whether I am naturally happy, or if I do it automatically to prevent myself from becoming ‘normal’-but it’s not masking who I am.
I don’t know what it is, people conform to everyone else’s ideas and when they’re depressed it’s always, “it’s like I put on a mask for everyone everyday” because they want the attention or they’re afraid of being themselves, it’s maybe a symptom of depression, it’s already too late...

So what do I do in times like this?
I don’t think there’s anything else I can do but let it be what it is. I shall continue to call them friends and yet know that I only have two. Who already occupy another status. DAMMIT